Broken & Crushed
by JazzieLouise
Summary: Broken and crushed, I turn to my brother, Dan Howell, for support. He is the only one left who I could possibly turn to. When he rejects me, someone intervenes. Someone with ebony hair and icy eyes.
1. Chapter 1

I sat on the curb at the side of the road as cold rain pelted my skin and made everything feel numb. Apart from the bright emotions that burned within me. It was a fire so reckless and strong that not even the rain could hope to quench it.

"How could they do this to me?!" I shook my head and my angry tears ripped free from my face to hit the concrete ground below. They mixed with the relentless rain and went off on a journey down the road. _Even my own tears are abandoning me…_

I glanced at my suitcase of stuff that had been strewn all over the floor when that bitch threw it out after she shoved me through the door. All of my clothes were being ruined but I really didn't care. _How could he let her get what she wanted most of all? He promised me. I thought promises between family members were meant to mean something. I guess I was mistaken._

"What am I going to do?" _I have money saved up, but it's not enough for me to live on my own. It's meant to be money for university after I finish college… Am I going to have to quit college and get a full time job? But I'm so close to finishing though! Quitting now sends two and a half years work down the drain…_

I glanced at the payphone across the street from me. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my purple skinny jeans and pulled out a pound coin. _Maybe I can phone Dan… Older brothers are supposed to be good at giving advice, right?_

I heaved my water-logged self-off the ground and threw everything roughly into my suitcase before I dragged my shivering form across the road towards the payphone. I love the rain, but being inside the payphone was a break that I welcomed with open arms.

I put the money in; paused with my finger hovering over the first number. What happens if he's not interested? What if he's still angry with me? I did pick Dad over him after all. What a foolish mistake that was. Look where that got me. "I have no one else to turn to. He's my brother. It's been half a year since I saw him last…" _Surely, he would've forgiven me by now…_

I sighed, resigned myself to the fact that I had no other option and dialled the number. "Please pick up." _What if he's changed his number since then?_

"Hello?" My brother's voice came through the phone and I let out a long breath that I hadn't even noticed I had been holding.

"Dan…" My voice broke and I fell silent.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?" My brother's tone of voice turned icy cold and it froze me inside and out; instantly quenching the fire that had been raging inside of me. The fire was replaced by an overwhelming sadness.

"Dan… I'm really sorry." I couldn't bring myself to say anything more. Afraid of him rejecting me and pushing me away; just like I deserved to be.

"Sorry for what, exactly Autumn? Sorry for abandoning me when I needed you most? I gave you my number, but you never gave me yours. That meant that I depended on you to get in contact with me. You didn't stand up for me, but I still forgave you. I was willing to give you another chance! It's been six fucking months!"

My voice broke and I cried. I knew he was mad and that I couldn't expect him to forgive me, but a small part of me hoped that he could accept my apology.

"Well, now that you've interrupted my meal, you may as well explain why the hell you phone me."

That hurt. I could see Dan sat at a table, phone in hand, venom dripping from his words and burning through the table. My cries turned to silent sobs.

"Well? Come one. You're already wasting my time. You may as well get it over with so I can continue with my life. What's stopping you?"

"Ashleigh set me up… She then gave Dad an ultimatum; me or her. Without even hearing my side of the story, Dad sided with Ashleigh and I got kicked out. He broke his promise…"

"Well, what the fuck do you expect me to do about it? Play pacifier and try and resolve everything so you can try and play happy families again?"

Tears rolled down my face silently as I realised that I'd called the wrong person. Used the last of my money to call the person who was most likely not to give a fuck. I'm such an idiot.

"Dan, don't you think you're being a little harsh? I know you're mad with her but she's family. Your sister." Another voice sounded in the background and it was hard to discern the words. It sounded slightly familiar but I couldn't place it. All I could tell was that it was a sweet voice. Someone who dared to stand up to Dan when he's angry; that takes some serious guts.

"Go back to making your video. You don't understand what's going on here, she-" Dan turned his venom on the stranger and got interrupted.

"Needs your help. You told me about this a little while ago. Have you not considered the fact that maybe she had a lot to deal with and didn't want to bug you as you started a new life without her? Well maybe she can't take anymore. Maybe she needs your help."

"You don't know what's going on! Fine, take the phone! Listen to her petty little life story! I'm washing my hands of her!" The venom in Dan's voice reached maximum level. Why the hell did this stranger get involved?

I heard a chair being overturned and several doors being slammed shut with enough velocity that they sounded like they were about to come of their hinges.

"Whoops." The mysterious stranger's voice came through the phone. "I didn't mean to make him angrier."

"Opposing him like that when he's angry never pacifies him! It usually does the opposite and makes it a heck of a lot worse." I was shocked that I was able to form full coherent sentences. "Well thanks for trying to help. I doubt I would have won him over anyway. He's still really mad. Your interference just sped up the rejection process. I guess this is-"

"No! Wait a minute! I'll talk to him again and phone you back! Don't' move!"

"What's the use in that?!" I answer. Instead of feeling upset I was now angry with this stranger for interfering.

"Please, just stay there." With that the line went dead. I sighed and hung up the phone before my back hit the glass behind me and I slid down as my body was racked by sobbing.


	2. Chapter 2

I have no idea how long I sat there but eventually I must've fell asleep after tiring myself out with sobbing.  
I rose from my doze by the ringing of the phone above me. Groggily, I stood up and answered it. "H-Hello." I answered with a yawn.  
"Hey, sorry about the wait."  
"So… What happened?"  
"I'm coming to get you. I think you need to speak to Dan face to face about this whole thing."  
"What did he say? Has he agreed to this?"  
There was a slight pause. "Stay where you are and I'll find you. You're not that far from us."  
"Look, I appreciate your help, but you can't just go around deciding these kinds of things by yourself. It's clear from the way that you're avoiding the subject that Dan's still mad and doesn't want anything to do with me. I really appreciate your help but if Dan seriously doesn't want to see me, then there's nothing that can be done."  
The line went silent for a long moment. "Look, okay maybe he didn't actually say that he wanted you to see him, but surely face to face is the best way to solve this."  
"There isn't anything that needs to be resolved."  
"When the temperature drops later on tonight it's going to snow. You can't be left out in that."  
So he's pitying me. "I'll find somewhere. Thanks for everything, but I refuse to accept your pity."  
"It's going to drop to minus three. I'm sure Dan wouldn't want his little sister out in the cold."  
"I'll find somewhere. For the record I'm hardly little. I'm nearly twenty. Don't patronise me." I was trying to convince the stranger but I think I was also trying to convince myself.  
"You don't sound very sure of yourself. Just let me find you and a place for you to spend the night if you refuse to see Dan."  
"I'm not really refusing to see Dan." I know I'm falling straight into his trap, but I couldn't help it. His aim was probably to keep me on the phone long enough to convince me to stay there. "I phoned him, remember? Look thanks, but I'll manage."  
"But-"  
I cut him off. "Bye." I then hung up the phone. I covered my face with my hands and slumped down against the payphone glass.  
"What the hell do I do now? Well, I guess all I can do is draw out some money and try to get some change so I can phone someone else… Who else's number can I remember? Well, there is Zoe… But would she really want to help me out?"  
I guess I don't have an awful lot of choice… I sighed and made my way outside. I fastened up my suitcase and pulled my black hoodie closer to my chest. The stranger was right about the temperatures dropping.  
I sighed and began the arduous task of lugging myself and a suitcase through the freezing cold dusk and into town. This late at night the only shop that's going to be open is ASDA. Once I was finally at ASDA I drew out twenty pounds and bought an umbrella, a pack away coat, a hot chocolate and a cheese and tomato sandwich.  
I made my way to the nearest payphone and tentatively dialled Zoe's number. The only number that I know by heart, aside from Dan's.  
I waited as it rung. Eventually, her voice mail service kicked in and I hung up, finally giving in to the fact that I wasn't going to get a response from her. _She's probably with Jack…_  
"Well, I guess all I can do now is make my way towards the nearest bedsit or hotel. But that also means heading back up to ASDA and drawing out even more money. I sighed and began to make my way back.  
"Autumn!" A voice rang out loud and clear and it sounded suspiciously like the one from the payphone earlier.  
I spun around slowly and my eyes came to rest on a black clad figure running towards me through the never ending rain.  
The figure finally caught up to me and instantly bent himself in half with his hands on his knees as he tries to recover. _How long has he been running for?_  
"I'm so… Glad I finally… Found you…" The figure answered, still bent over.  
I blinked. I then blinked again once the figure stood up. I then realised why the voice had seemed so familiar. Staring at me was a pair of icy blue, calm eyes and contrasting ebony hair. It was Phil. As in Amazingphil.  
"Phil." I stated rather awkwardly as my eyes widened in shock.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh, so you've heard of me then." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "YouTube?"  
All I could do was nod.  
"Dan wants to see you. This time I'm telling the truth." Phil then rummaged through the many pockets of his parka coat as he tried to find something. "Where did I put my phone?" Eventually he pulled out his iPhone and began to play back a recording.  
I accepted the phone after he handed it to me and shielded the phone from the rain under my umbrella.  
 _"_ _Dan, the temperatures dropped to minus four. They're giving snow within the next half an hour." There was a slight pause as Phil waited for some kind of response. "Look Dan, I get that you're not prepared to let her stay here, but can't you at least talk things over with her?"_  
 _"_ _Fine. Take my coat with you." Came a resigned reply from Dan._  
 _"_ _Any idea where she might be?"_  
 _"_ _Knowing my sister, she'd probably head to the only store open at this time to get an umbrella and money for another phone call or a night at a bedsit of some description…"_ Dan then trailed off and I could see him thinking through and dismissing loads of possibilities, just based on what he knows I'm like.  
The recording then ended and I handed Phil back his phone as a lone tear slipped down my cheek. "He's willing to give me another chance…"  
Phil draped the coat over my shoulders and smiled. "Dan probably would've come out to get you himself but I really like the snow and he dislikes the cold so I offered to do it immediately."  
I nodded. "Dan used to be quite fond of the snow but that all changed after the incident…" I trailed off as I remembered the funny memories.  
"What snow incident?" Phil asked and his eyes danced with his curiosity.  
I shook my head. "Never you mind. Ask Dan about it."  
"But he won't tell me!" Phil stuck his bottom lip out. "Not fair."  
"So… You live with Dan then? How long has that been going on for?"  
Phil looked at me in surprise. "Do you not watch his videos?"  
"I did, until he stopped that is."  
"He hasn't stopped. He did take a break around six months ago but the break only lasted a month."  
"Oh, I didn't realise…" I drifted off as it hit me. I suddenly felt extremely bad. My brother had started making YouTube videos again and I hadn't even realised. I covered my mouth in my sudden moment of shock.  
Worry passed across Phil's features. "What's wrong?"  
"I haven't made any effort to check up on my brother all this time. "YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook… I was worried about what I might find so I avoided it completely."  
"Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure he'll understand. I need to phone him now so I can let him know that I found you, but I can't use my phone in the rain…"  
I lifted my umbrella up and tilted it to the side so that it covered Phil.  
He gave me a small smile. "Thanks." He then called Dan. "Hey, I found her. You were right. Mmm. Bye." He slid his phone back into his pocket and then glanced up into the sky. "Oh my God, it's actually snowing!"  
"So it is!" I muttered as the snow began to fall gracefully though the air, gently swayed by the chilly evening breeze. I turned to my right to see Phil's eyes sparkling. His smile was so bright; you wouldn't think that he was a fully grown, twenty six year old adult. More like a nine year old on Christmas day. To my huge disappointment, I then noticed that it wasn't setting as the ground was far too wet.  
It didn't take Phil long to realise this as well and his smile dropped straight off his face. His eyes immediately lost their sparkle. "I won't be able to hit Dan with a snowball at this rate…"  
I was overcome with an overwhelming desire to cheer him up again. "It looks like it'll be snowing for a while yet. If it gets heavier then it could end up setting."  
Phil smiled again. "Let's hope so, yeah?"  
I nodded. "I'd love to see you pelt Dan with a snowball."  
"Autumn?"  
"Yeah?" I answered as I looked towards him.  
"Thanks for trying to cheer me up."  
I blushed slightly and covered my face by lowering my umbrella. "N-No problem. You looked a little like a kicked puppy, I had to do something."  
Phil laughed at this. "What a comparison!"  
I laughed. "Well, it's true."  
"Autumn, good luck resolving things with Dan."  
I gulped he just had to remind me of the impending doom that lay out before me. "Thanks. I think I'm going to need it."  
"It'll be fine."  
Phil lead me into a tall building and I followed as he made his way over to the elevator. Once inside, he hit the appropriate buttons and silence ensued as the elevator made its way up to its destination.  
"Here we are." Phil swept an arm out in front of him and indicated that we had arrived at his and Dan's shared apartment.  
I gulped again as I realised how close I was to the brother who I had been neglecting for the past six months.  
Phil shook the top of my shoulders and I jumped. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. Dan's not _that_ horrible a person."  
"You know what he's like when he mad." I answered.  
"Yeah…"  
"May as well get it over with." I answered again as I followed him into the living room.


End file.
